Way to Go...or Oh No?

In a recent review of the "State of Family Ministry" research we conducted this year for Children's Ministry Magazine, our staff was once again intrigued by the dichotomy between how children's ministers rate themselves and how parents rate the children's ministers in efficacy.

Parents give children's ministers an A. When asked, "How would you rate how well your church partners with you as a parent to train your children spiritually?"...43 percent of parents said "very well," 36% said "pretty good." (That's a B.)

Children's ministers give themselves a C. When asked, "How would you rate how well your church partners with parents to train their children spiritually?"...45% said "average," and only 7.5% said "very well."

Why the divide? Why do you think children's ministers have a more negative view of their family ministry effectiveness than parents do?

Comments

[Brenna]

because many parents see all the work that goes into children's ministry and they think the children's minister is doing a great job keeping up with the work

[Jill Nelson]

I think that a lot of it could be that parents don't realize how much more they could be doing or how much more their church could be doing for them. But could a lot of it also come from the fact that family ministry is so big right now, and all the speakers are telling us we're not doing a good job?

[Larry Shallenberger]

I think part of it is that children's directors as a community vilify parents. Collectively, we're short staffed and parents are blamed. "If the parents would only step up and do their part..."

Out of frustration, poor assumptions are made-- "parents don't care about their children's spiritual developement."

Once that negative belief creeps in, and parents are viewed as the problem, it's impossible to believe that family ministry could be successful.

[Jared Kennedy]

Many family ministry writers are referencing churches' low retention rates--students not returning to church after they leave home for college.

I think this is causing many children's and youth ministers to question whether or not our current methods are effective. I certainly question this myself.

Perhaps parents aren't aware of the statistics.

[Henry Zonio]

I echo the comments Larry posted. I think that there is a dangerous trend in children's and family ministry that beats up parents (and in turn children's ministers) for not doing their job of passing faith on to their children.

We are told that you have to have programs and stuff that you send home (curriculum, no less) and events and milestones and the list goes on... in order to be doing your job of partnering with parents.

I think that if we are in relationship with parents, communicating with them regularly, encouraging them, equipping them and empowering them in a way that works in our contexts then we are doing our job.

Let's spend more time cheering parents on rather than pointing out their shortcomings.

[Glen Woods]

In the research for my dissertation I discovered a somewhat similar divide. As I have wrestled with these issues I chose early on to take a positive attitude toward parents and toward the church. Parents are my heroes and our greatest advocates for their children (and in most cases they earnestly try their best). Parents, like church leaders, typically do what has been modelled for them. In breaking out of those models where necessary, it is helpful not to burn bridges pertaining to relationships. I think that is one of the great risks currently in the family ministry discussion in local churches.

My critique has focused more on the church in general which has created an environment often inclement to the benefit of families. This past year has been eye-opening for me. The core issues of family ministry (training up children in the content and application of faith) that people have been wrestling with in the last twenty years are nothing new. Church leaders throughout history have found ways to support and work with parents. Sometimes certain leaders were guilty of harshness toward parents and kids. At other times they were quite gracious and tender.

[Chris Yount Jones]

Thanks, everyone, for your insights!

Glen, when will get to read your dissertation?

[Larry Shallenberger]

Glen, you should write an article for CM Mag that summarizes that history.

[Glen Woods]

Chris,

It should be available on microfiche through a local theological library by the end of April. But who really uses microfiche, anyway? I would be happy to email it to you via my aol account if you like. It will be a zipped folder containing two word docs. Just let me know if that works for you. :)

Larry,

Intriguing idea. My treatment in the dissertation was not comprehensive, but it does give a taste for what the church fathers did. I will have to give that some thought.

[Larry Shallenberger]

Glen,

A survey, with lessons learned, would be so unique and fascinating. I've never heard of someone researching that far back before.

Could you please send me that file too?