Baby Steps--Incremental Growth

I've learned something from my engineer/counselor husband over the last few years called "incremental improvement." We've had to hang onto this as step-parents or we'd completely lose heart at times.

Here's what it's looked like: When Ray and I were dating, one of my sons wouldn't come out of the basement to even greet Ray the first time he came to meet my kids. That was painful and embarrassing. The next time, that son came out of the basement and nodded a greeting then retreated to his safe place. It was weeks before he could speak a word to Ray.

Rather than letting that overwhelm us with disappointment, we learned to apply the "incremental improvement" principle to our family situation. We looked for baby steps and celebrated each one--rather than only looking for big changes. I'm afraid if we'd only looked for big changes, we would've never found them. It's been one baby step after another. And we've managed to stay encouraged along the way--for the most part. We still have ground to cover in bringing two families together (we've been marred 3.5 years now and experts say it takes 7 for things to feel natural). We've got lots more baby steps to take--when people are ready. And we can wait patiently--just as we did when our kids were learning to walk.

How does this apply to children's ministry? I just did a podcast interview with Scott Werner, co-author of Turbocharged! (Group), and he reminded me that a great way for children's ministers to stay encouraged is to celebrate every single little baby step--rather than looking just for the big wins! (One baby step for me this Sunday was when 2-year-old Daisy ran into the room and jumped in my arms!) What are baby steps you can celebrate to ward off any discouragement--the child who finally opens up to his teacher, the shy child who offers a prayer request, the parent who tells you their child said he wants to love Jesus like you do when he grows up, or the child who accepts Jesus as his savior?

Don't just look for big numbers, big results, pats on the back from church leadership, parades in your honor. Instead, bask in the baby steps--and you'll ward off discouragement that can be so endemic to children's ministry leadership. Don't let it step on you! Baby steps...baby steps...baby steps.

Comments

[Lisa Burney]

Thanks for that encouraging reminder. Without celebrating the baby steps, it's easy to let discouragement rule.

[Chris Yount Jones]

Thanks for your comment, Lisa! I think we all--and perhaps especially children's ministers--need to guard against discouragement. We've been called to something far too important to be sidetracked by discouragement!

[Adam]

It's sometimes hard to keep that in perspective, balancing what you "have to work with" and "what you WANT to work with"...And you have to remember that sometimes a baby takes a step back in order to get a firmer footing before going forward. :)

Keep it up, Christine Yount-Jones. You'll get all of us there eventually.

[Chris Yount Jones]

Ahhhh...thanks, Adam! Actually, I just came from a meeting where I was feeling discouraged. Your note is the baby step I'm going to celebrate instead of getting discouraged! Thanks!

[Tim]

Very encouraging. As VBS approaches, I've been looking for the "big win": volunteers pounding down the door, pre-registration higher than ever, budgetary surplus, etc. But the greatest "boost" I ever got was from one of our women who had been indecisive about really committing herself to children's ministries. She called me last week and said that she felt that the Lord was telling her to jump in full throttle! I almost choked up on the spot--not that we don't already have committed people, but that the Lord was speaking to someone's heart in a clear way to be involved.

[Larry Shallenberger]

Great post. Grace borrowed Group's "Success Map". And it provides all of our staff with those increments.

And your story brings me back to when I was dating my now wife. Her son, Alex, was about two. He didn't hide in the basement. He threw himself in front of the door, flung his arms out, and attempted to bar us from heading out on a date.

A downer for sure.

[Henry Zonio]

I was reminded of this earlier this year. http://tinyurl.com/6ol7rt
We need to continually see God's hand at work in the lives of the families we work with and the volunteers we're privileged to serve with. It is easy to get caught up in all the BIG PICTURE things that we don't notice the little changes happening all around us. I think that if more of us in CM took time to reflect more often and celelbrate the "baby steps" as well as the leaps and bounds, then less of us would get stuck and burnt out.

[Chris Yount Jones]

Yes, Tim! That's so encouraging when we see God's hand at work in the lives of the people he's called us to lead and minister to! Yea, God!

[Chris Yount Jones]

Ray and I both laughed out loud when we read your post! It's comforting to know that much of our experience is common to stepfamilies! (We've seen a few tantrums here ourselves!)

Thanks for mentioning the Success Map. It's just a little communication tool we have with our leaders each week to clarify and be held accountable for the top five things we want to accomplish each week. It has been a great tool!

[Chris Yount Jones]

Henry,
I agree. After reading the 'Rants and Raves' in the Uncensored email from KidzBlitz, I felt this even more. In fact, we had a meeting yesterday (four of us) to go over the "pain points" those children's ministers who posted on that site felt--and to discuss how we can continue to minister to folks like them. One of the things we discussed was the "danger of discouragement" and how, especially for children's ministers, we need to guard our hearts against discouragement first and foremost. It's a slippery slope from discouragement to derailment. Other than 'baby steps,' how do others stay encouraged?

[Glen Alan Woods]

You ask how others stay encouraged. I try to do a few things. I maintain connections with my family and friends. I take breaks at strategic times to refresh. I try to be thankful, remembering David's admonition to encourage ourselves in the Lord.

[Henry Zonio]

I had a whole gamut of emotions ranging from frustration at the complaining to sympathy to sadness when reading that Uncensored listing.

I think what's helped me to keep from getting into the danger of discouragement was to search out and find a couple of key friends (other CPs not in my church or denomination or state :) ) that I could call and be candid with and they could do the same with me. We then encourage each other and pray for each other. Too many times we try and do ministry without that. We all need some close peers not connected to our ministries who can carry our burdens, call us when we are being unreasonable and cry with us when things get bad. We also need those same people who can be our cheerleaders. And we need to do the same for them.

Having that has "saved" me from throwing in the towel or getting complainy on the people I have the privilege of ministering to and with. I'm not saying that it is easy to find those people... it takes work and putting yourself out there. But it is well worth the effort...

[Chris Yount Jones]

Glen! Yes! Gratitude! That's so key to staying encouraged and focused on God. Thank you!

[Chris Yount Jones]

Thanks for your input, Henry. I think the Internet has really helped people to connect with likeminded people. I had the same response to you regarding that listing, but in it I also saw that people need exactly what you're talking about. They need people who will not only listen, but will understand and empathize.

[Jill Nelson]

Loved this post! At our weekly children's staff meeting each of us shares "finger prints" from the weekend services. They are moments when we saw God's fingerprints on our weekend--anywhere from Cheyenne accepted Jesus to the volunteers actually showed up! The finger prints have helped us to keep our eyes open for those small celebrations. Thanks for the reminder of why that's important.

[Chris Yount Jones]

Jill,
What a great idea! And I love the childlike word "fingerprints"--to see God's handiwork all over your ministry!
Chris